I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
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