My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
