I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
