You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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