Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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