I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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