When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
