Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Every concussion has its silver lining
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
