so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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