C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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