i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
