he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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