The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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