Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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