Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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