We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
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