she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize