ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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