dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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