just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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