This is not my ceiling
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
