i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
