My hand turned me down
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
People in love make me want to vomit
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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