I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
