Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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