Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
