youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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