i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
