I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
