He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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