I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize