So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
