If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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