So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I deserve this hangover.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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