i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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