Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
