Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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