well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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