atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
