so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
