Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
