i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
