i just made my gag reflex go away.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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