I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
