i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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