Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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