so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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