There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
