im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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