you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
