It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
