it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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