a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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