he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
