Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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