Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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