OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
