I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize