So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Randomize
