I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
