oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
