why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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